Update- 5.3.11

-blows off dust- Yikes! Sorry I didn't update this sooner, guys! Well, I proposed the nymph story to the committee last week and got a resounding NO. It left me at a crossroads, despite producing a new story pretty much right after I got out of the thesis review. On the one hand, I was being objective, reworking the story and reapplying my best story tactics. I can continue to remain this way (which is the best response) but then I could be subjective. I'm teetering towards the latter just out of habit and experience, but this meeting was bitter medicine and in the end, I think the committee did me a favor.

I readily admit I think big. And it's not a bad thing. The issue is that I fall, have fallen, into a common trap- because I think too big, I don't realistically plan out large projects well, and there's only so much one person can do on a large project under limited time and massive pressure. So far, I have yet to become comfortable with the animation process. I have tried to assemble teams to aid me, but in the end, they have become more of a crutch.

It was also scary (but I saw it coming) that the professors who were reviewing my thesis knew how my thought process worked. Perhaps Mark said it best "this won't be your magnum opus". It made me stop after the meeting and think.

While it will sound pretentious, the difference is I'm being honest about my thoughts here. I have focused too much on the social validation of my peers. Too often I have shot for the stars while forgetting where my feet were because I wanted to be seen as an equal. It has always been my goal in art, just as much as wanting to entertain people. My life has been a series of trials, all resulting in a want of validation that I'm not a waste of DNA, that I'm worth some fiber in this fabric of humanity. Because, honestly, had health care not been as great and as paranoid of my life in my first moments of it, I'd be dead.

Ironically, it's because of the rejection I have faced overall from my peers, regardless of environment, that I have become pretentious sometimes, that I have been seen as arrogant or disdainful (and to an extent, I know I have been) because I believed "what was the point in giving them another chance? They've already proven to me they're not interested in knowing who I am". So I hid and continue to hide, mainly because I need to get used to some forms of rejection. 

The odd thing is how the thesis proposal has actually changed my perspective, if just a little. I wanted to tell a powerful story. I wanted to tell a personal story. Idealistically, I wanted it to be a film that would make my peers stop and think, to consider perhaps the other side of the story. It's that same old tale of the underdog usually vowing vengeance, saying "They'll pay! I'll show them all what they've done to me!" and through artistic expression would I get to their minds and hearts. Of course, thinking more practically, I realize my stories aren't strong and accessible enough to get to people of various emotional resistance, so in all likelihood, it would fall flat and become pretentious and melodramatic, at best.

What I have learned is that telling stories straight out through my medium aren't as strong as the emotions I put into other stories. Thinking now, AVI is a story that embodies my sorrow and loneliness best, while something like the creation of Aros (whose name is actually an acronym for Artistic Representation of Self) is more of my quirky, manic side (she really is starting to become me with every film I use her in).

Which brings me to the update, at long last! So, ironically, I decided to fall back on the original story my nymph thesis was based off of. I felt at the time it was too comic and didn't have enough substance. When I got out of the review, my mind was whirring with elements and ideas, and I managed to put together a story that's more audience accessible, and, if I can believe, actually might get a few laughs out of people. At the worst, I know it'll get a few smiles. Perhaps this is my calling- I've been so wrapped up in telling serious stories I never gave myself a chance to actually work with the medium and push its boundaries of reality.

Hopefully that'll change this Friday- I re-propose with this new idea, also titled Block. I'm feeling strong on this one, and I hope I can get at least one of the committee members smirking when they're reading/reviewing this. The goal of my film is as the process has shown me- using creative thinking and perseverance to overcome my obstacles. Wish me luck!